The Art of Attunement: Nurturing Connections in Early Childhood

   The Art of Attunement: Nurturing Connections in Early Childhood

Recently, I had the privilege of meeting with an early intervention practitioner who was deeply concerned about a child she was supporting. She expressed how she felt the child was misunderstood by his preschool educators. Having worked closely with him for some time, she had built a strong, trusting relationship with both the child and his family. She could read his cues and respond to his emotional and physical needs with care and consistency. He knew he could turn to her for support, feeling safe and secure in knowing his needs would be met.

As she shared her concerns, it was obvious how much she genuinely cared for this child. Not only was she his advocate, but she also put in considerable effort to help his preschool educators understand his unique needs and the impact of the trauma he had experienced. She hoped to share strategies that had worked for him, aiming to help the educators better support him. However, despite her efforts, she felt that the educators struggled to understand and connect with him. She was upset that the preschool had decided to terminate his enrolment, citing his behaviour as the reason.

Listening to her, it became clear that there was a big difference in how the practitioner and the preschool educators viewed this child. The practitioner saw a gentle, sensitive child, while the educators perceived him as aggressive and disruptive. It felt as though they were seeing two completely different children and reminded me of Dr. Stuart Shanker's powerful quote:

“See a child differently and you see a different child.”

Of course, I recognised that I was only hearing one side of the story, and I acknowledge the practitioner’s unique role, which allowed her to give her undivided attention to this child. In contrast, the preschool educators had the challenging task of dividing their attention among a larger group of children.

Yet, one thing stood out clearly: the key difference in understanding and supporting this child lay in the relationships formed and the practice of attunement.

Attunement is the ability to be aware of and responsive to another person’s emotional state. It is about being present, tuning in, and resonating with the other person’s experience. In early childhood, attunement is about recognising and addressing not just a child's physical needs, but their emotional needs as well. When we attune to a child, we create a safe, nurturing environment in which the child feels truly seen and supported (Finlay, 2023).

In attachment research, attunement is often described as the ability to “read a child’s emotional state.” It involves the caregiver’s ability to be present and in harmony with the child, understanding both their physical and emotional needs (Harwood, 2024).

Attunement is not an instant process; it is a gradual journey built on emphatic bonding, trust and safety. It is often communicated through non-verbal cues—eye contact, facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice—rather than through words. Developing attunement is vital in supporting children, especially those with complex needs or attachment challenges (Education Scotland).

Dr Dan Siegel says,

“Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives we need attunement to feel close and connected.”

In today’s fast-paced world, achieving attunement can be a challenge. Caregivers are often juggling multiple responsibilities, making it difficult to be fully present with the children in their care. The early intervention practitioner had the opportunity to focus on one child at a time, allowing for a deeper connection. Preschool educators, however, must balance the needs of many children in the classroom, which can limit the time and energy available for individual attention.

Despite these challenges, small, intentional efforts can have a profound impact. Prioritising quality time, minimising distractions, actively listening, regularly acknowledging a child with eye contact, or even just an encouraging nod or a smile and remaining emotionally available are just a few ways to become more attuned to the children we care for. When caregivers are attuned to a child, they respond not only to the child’s immediate needs but also create a secure, trusting environment where the child feels seen, understood and supported.

The art of attunement is a powerful tool for fostering meaningful connections, especially in early childhood. When we take the time to understand both the emotional and physical needs of a child—particularly when those needs are complex—we lay the groundwork for a relationship based on trust. This foundation helps children thrive, feel valued, and empowered.

Imagine the impact you could have on a child’s life simply by being attuned to them—by connecting with them and making them feel seen, understood, valued and supported. This is the heart of nurturing connections that can help children reach their full potential.

By Bronwyn Stratford, February 7th, 2025

References

Finlay, L. (2023). Empathising and Attuning. Wiley Blackwell publishing.

Harwood, E. (2024). Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using connection-focussed parenting to create confidence, empathy and resilience. Sasquatch books.

Scotland Education –

www.education.gov.scot/media/ylgmoc0u/attunement-information-note-informed-level.pdf accessed February 2025.

Siegel, D. & Bryson, T. (2021). The Power of Showing Up: How parental presence shapes who our kids become and how their brains get wired. Ballantine Books.

Shanker, S. (2017). Self Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage in Life. Penguin Random House.